That is one fun acronym isn’t, with BS in it, which is semi-relevant since that’s what my blog can be full of sometimes! On a more serious note (if you can call it that), the DSM-IV may have to be my guide to explain my fear and dislike of balloons. The FroggerGirl really hates balloons…and that is not normal by the informal poll conducted at my place of work. What is bringing on the sudden need to rant out my balloon abhorrence? I had to help blow-up and tie off a shit-load of balloons for an office party and I was confronted with my hatred/fear of the rubber baddies from hell!
At least once a month, sometimes with a longer break in between, my Real Estate Brokerage holds this schmooze party for agents. Apparently the height of class for this event is to fill the place up with our brokerage signature color balloons. This means time at the helium tank and prolonged balloon play. I HATE THIS! Why, you may be asking yourself, would a perfectly rational adult woman be afraid of balloons? Well here are the reasons:
1.) As many of you know FG (that’s me) hates loud sudden noises, they scare the bejesus out of her. What happens when balloons pop? Yeah, you get the picture. Plus balloons pop when overfilled, near heat, if they brush against the sprinkler, or if a little Angel or Satan Spawn gets a hold of one. Not to mention the noise that comes from a sudden loss of air pressure when tying off the end. NOT COOL!
2.) They smell bad. To FroggerGirl they smell like plastic polluting crud. And the smell evokes a bad taste when you blow them up. Enough said.
3.) They are floating harbingers of doom. Perhaps it was years of being warned about the choking hazard that balloons pose when popped/deflated, or the tales of permanent brain damage/death by people over huffing helium. Whatever the reason they do not evoke fuzzy feelings. Well, unless they are super sassy Mylar balloons, those for some reason I kind of like until they deflate, and then it’s like dead flowers…just no good comes of them.
The last fear I have is a corollary fear that happens when I have to make ribbon curls. Apparently an uncurled ribbon at this agent event is very déclassé so again lots of time spent with the scissors making curls. I fear slicing off a digit while curling ribbon. Again, irrational due to the nature of most office scissors and the kind of pressure applied on the ribbon, but it flashes through my head.
To sum up, if you love FroggerGirl, NEVER give her balloons, or make her spend time with balloons. If there is a Hell that is personalized then mine will have lots of popping balloons…and the terrible out of tune piss poor excuse for R&B music they play a the agent schmooze party. GAH!
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