WTF: Celebutards Edition

Can I just say that if all of the crazy ass Celebutants/Celebutards could all just sit down in their drunken stupor and be quiet that would be great. Seriously, I am sick of seeing headlines about baby bumps, DUI and other crazy crap. What’s super-duper pissing me off? Frickin’ Paris (DUI Prison Superstar) Hilton is trying to save Africa with a visit to Rwanda. Yeah, her deep critical thinking skills and conflict resolution skills will totally help a civil war ravaged country more than UN and other NGO efforts. Maybe she can give them fashion advice…that would be helpful right?

Look, she has more money than God could have rightfully wanted her to have, so I agree with a few of the columns I have read: WRITE A CHECK PARIS! Don’t go there. You are a dumb-shit drunk and you are not helping to bring awareness to these people. Your bringing awareness to yourself…and again not in a good way! TMZ.com (yeah I know not the arbiter of class act news, but whatever) even tried to ask other dumb-ass Hollywood blonde her thoughts on Paris's trip. The results just make me sad for America!

I do not think Paris truly wants to help these people. I think she is trying to save her vapid little self from seeming too vapid and useless in the media. Too late, we all know you are a waste of time/space, you are not Angelina and prison hasn’t changed you one bit. Rwandans, brace yourselves!

This is going to be mean...

Consider this a reminder if you know me and if you don’t it’s an explanation: FroggerGirl is not a tiny petite waif of a girl. I am not massive…probably just on the larger end of the normal spectrum. Having said this, let me now be mean.

As I was going through security at SFO Airport, there was a middle aged couple in front of me. They were like a parody of a married couple. Bickering, struggling and in general not happy campers. Things like, “What are you doing? God what is wrong with you!” coming from the wife and equally cheery talk from the husband. Now you’re thinking to yourself, “Well FG is not being sweet and cuddly about this couple, but how is this mean?” Well, I’ll tell you…this couple was FAT! Not just a little big or mildly overweight…these were Weebles. They were almost as wide as they were tall…and thankfully they were not tall.

I would have probably forgotten these two as I continued on my merry way except…they were on my flight back to the Swamp. Worse yet, guess who was sitting in my row? You got it, Mrs. And Mr. Weeble. NOT COOL! First these two barely fit in their seats and even though I was thankfully on the aisle. Well you can imagine right? Mrs. Weeble was complaining that she was claustrophobic…and then looks over at me (she thought I was listening to my iPod) to say, “I would pay to sit on the aisle” to her husband. Yeah, well I would not accept any amount of money to sit smashed between the less than happy Weebles or crammed against the window with them trapping me.

Let’s draw a word picture shall we? Picture is you will the less than roomy seats on an A319 plane about to be in the air for about 5 hours. Now, picture two Weebles crammed into the middle and window seat. FroggerGirl has to stow her items under the seat in front of her. Weebles had bogarted the overhead bin space for their massive bags of chocolate, candles and t-shirts souvenirs. Mrs. Weeble is violating the personal pace of FG in a major way. Not only is she invading over the top to the armrest in such a way that I must torque my body into the aisle and I cannot fully sit back without leaning my shoulder onto a portion of her arm, there is bellow the armrest space violation. Again, FG is not tiny, but my ass fits in the seat with at least 2-3 inches between it and the armrests…no spillage of my girth into the other passenger’s thigh space. Overall, it’s no a pretty picture and it lasts for 5+ hours with us not arrving in the Swamp until the wee hours of the morning. YIPEE!

Like I said…not nice of me, but this couple triggered MAJOR resentment and discomfort for me. That and the fact that I was stuck with them for so long in such a small amount of space didn't help. It’s one more reason that makes that thin line of love and hate in travel so precarious. Sometime people just suck!

Pearls Before Swine

I happen to love comics. I hate touching news print (all the ink residue and smell is a bit much for me) but when I'm visiting the Northlands of WI, well I risk the ink and start stealing the crossword/comics/Lifestyle section from Momma Frog. Mayhem (of the happy/funny kind) ensues because Momma Frog is a bit territorial with her crosswords and Lifestyle section.

Thanks to the Internet I can get my funny fix sans ink. Pearls Before Swine is one of my favorites. Not the best drawing, but often it has great social/political commentary...and a subversive message. This one made me smile ear to ear.

Why the smile? My biggest photo pet peeve, be it photo business cards (especially in Real Estate) or some other posed photos, is the shot of the hand under his/her chin look. Often the person looks like a dumb-ass with his/her hand under her chin. Note to any who are considering this: You do not look smart or cute. You look ridiculous! Sometimes little kids pictures can pull this off, but more often I can forgive those photos because the kid had no choice. I may take a note from Rat and start finding ways to institute corporal punishment to offenders. If you have one of these photos, well I say, "Good for you!" but know I never want you to send one to me.

The Thin Line Between Love and Hate

There is this strange internal dialogue/self analysis that occurs when I travel. It starts with the evaluation of the thin line between loving and hating something. I love to travel and 90% of the time I am thrilled…once I get to my destination. It’s the getting there that pisses me off at least 80% of the time. Keep in mind my statistics/percentage breakdowns can vary depending on the travel/reason.

I just got back from lovely San Francisco, CA….home of Rice-a-Roni and my oldest Brother J. This was a good trip; fun was had by all, unless Brother J and his GF were keeping things from me. Sibling bonding occurred, yummy food was eaten and tasty beverage was enjoyed too! The trip could have been longer, but my vacation time would not allow for this trip AND holiday travel…and let’s just say Momma Frog would not be cool if I shorted Christmas in WI even if it was to visit Brother J.

Why the love/hate discussion? Why the questioning of an activity (travel) that 80-90% of the time is thoroughly enjoyed? The answer is simple: the modes of travel available and the facilities I have to use SUCK!!! Driving to a location if it’s a part of a Girls or Friends road trip or traffic is minimal that’s fun. Otherwise in heavy traffic or crap weather, driving = No Fun! Bus, well that’s rarely an option worth taking. Train travel in Europe and other places of the world are a bit more viable than Amtrak. Air travel in theory should be the fastest, more efficient and in general better option…but it’s not. It’s all sorts of FUBAR.

Have you ever tried to deal with Dulles Airport? It sucks…so do most airports and the lines in security. It took me an hour to get through security AND then deal with the strange square people movers that drive you to your terminal. Then there was a running FroggerGirl barley boarding the plane in time despite arriving 1.5 hours early for her flight. The flight itself was fine…the flight home, well…BAD! That get's it's own special rant about people, not infrastructure.

For every pain free perfect trip there is it’s karmic twin waiting to spank me hard as a reminder that travel is an investment of time, energy and money and that thought + planning is required for decent trips. I hate having to plan AND think…it goes against every molecule of my procrastinating body. Instead I shall just suffer and rant at you poor souls who chose to read my blog. Aren’t you luck?

Thank Goodness for Netflix

Isn’t it sad when good TV dies? Or worse yet when good TV dies and you missed it? There have been a few of those shows in my world. Don’t get me wrong, TV is not everything and the loss of a good show doesn’t stop the world from spinning…but after work when my brain is sometimes half dead, well decent TV is nice to relax with, right? What’s prompting this little rant? I found a show called Wonder Falls on Netflix that only aired about 4 episodes on Fox. It’s weird and great and it made me laugh so hard a few times I cried…then I cried due to drama and good acting. Seriously, this show could have been my Grey’s Anatomy of the day when it started to air…but I missed it and it died the TV cancellation death.

Wonder Falls is not my first such discovery, about 2 years ago I discovered through Netflix the Joss Whedon show Firefly. I loved it so much I had to own it, and the movie inspired by it Serenity. Like a lot of good (and to be honest horrendous) TV it was canceled after only 3-4 episodes. It’s complicated, a bit subversive and FUNNY! Another show that died before it’s time that due to my lack of cable had to be provided to me via Netflix…ROME! Rome rocks! It is so good…with the nudity, violence and rocking dialogue/acting…I mean they actually got Rome for all of its gory glory! Yet only 2 seasons were made, and that is a travesty. I prefer to be amused by good TV, not crap like Caveman. Oh well, that’s why I have Netflix…to better enjoy what can so often be missed in TV Land!

Sad...

So, I’ve been in a bit of a funk since last night and said funk is over my Cousin, who I shall call Seattle Cousin (SC). She is 10 years younger than me and lives all the way across this big ol’ USA! She has also been comatose, vegetative, whatever choice medical term you like, for over a year. Mother’s Day 2006 she was in a terrible car accident with friends. One girl died, my cousin ended up in her current state and the driver just broke her arm. No alcohol or drugs involved, just giggly girls in a hurry to get to their destination. Then BOOM…2 vibrant girls went poof. Every day I get an email update on SC from her former boyfriend who updates a website on her condition and gives support to her family. She has good days and bad days. Most days I read the posts, pray for her and move on with my day. Those days tend to be neutral or good news days. Other days I read about her condition and just want to cry. Those are moments when I feel hopeless for her and her family in Seattle. I try to stay positive, but I’m human. It’s one of the situations I hope never happens to anyone else close to me, but the Universe/God may have different plans. The funk will pass with a new day, but SC will probably stay the same for a while. I guess that’s why humans hope for miracles…to help move-on and keep hope alive. So I hope…and that’s enough for now…

Emilie Simon - Fleur de Saison

I officially love this artist. The video is plenty trippy and just fabulous to watch!

Je m’appelle la FroggerGirl (La Grenouille Fille)

So, the FroggerGirl is getting her booty in gear on her MA degree and getting back into an organized French class. Yes, FG is a for real student again…and that’s weird to me right now. I’m excited, it should be interesting…and most of all I NEED to do this. No more stalemate of life. Onward and Upward, or whatever cliché goes best.

This whole going back to French class started arandom discussion and laugh moment. Sitting at dinner with Madam Blonde (sorry, it’s the best blogger name I can think of) in a ne pas tres cher (not too expensive) French restaurant, my random attempts at High School language flooded back to me. We both remembered the silly names we had to pick for foreign language class. Oh, you know the names if you took language classes in US high schools. The names were supposed to help you feel more connected to the language studied and cultures that spoke that language. Remember? When I first attempted French to resounding failure in the 8th grade, my French name was Yvette. Chosen from the random handout of names, and my love of the movie Clue. Mind you that Yvette totally bought the farm via a rope…

On my longer, and more painful, journey attempting to learn Spanish from 9-12th grade, I was known by the Spanish alias Chela (short for Marcela) and that name did not improve my Spanish. In fact, when I was on a wing and a prayer to get out of my senior year of Spanish with a C, I was contemplating a name change. Maybe the name was good luck in some sick way, because though my freaky good placement test I passed into 5th semester Spanish…and got a pass on my language requirement in College. Way to go Chela! Oh wait, no…BAD Chela, that freaky great test made me totally lazy on any kind of language study or attempt there of in College. Thus I was totally screwed me in Grad School requirements, well at least that’s the lie I tell myself. FroggerGirl, Chela, Yvette…whoever the hell I am, I get to go back to school. Je parle francais! Un peu (a little)

Hair Trauma

So, FroggerGirl has an issue…her hair. After much trauma and metaphorical (with a little bit of actual) hair pulling she is FINALLY getting a much needed hair cut. Why all the fuss? One, I’m a woman and like most women there are issues with appearance. The quest for a stylish haircut that is manageable and doesn’t take hours to deal with is a forever quest. Two, the hair stylist I was a fan of moved to another salon waaaaay out in the VA suburbs of The Swamp. Plus, his last haircut did not inspire the passion for FG to schlep all the way out to the far reaches of the VA burbs for a trim. What’s a girl to do? Go back with head low to the old stylist she ditched because she felt her locks had grown stale? I tried to branch out to the salon my super stylin’ buddy the Princezz goes to…but they had no openings until the end of September. I have already reached the point of a haircut being a NEED not a want…so waiting that long is no good.

Instead, FG is going to try to be a brave little soldier and branch out into the unknown. Saturday is the moment of truth…new stylist…new salon…and hopefully a satisfying haircut! This kind of angst over the dead cells on the top of my head drives me nuts. I may tell myself, “Its just hair!” but that mantra is a lie. Hair may grow back, but the bad haircut is the worst nightmare of most women I know. There should be a horror movie based on an evil barber, who doesn’t kill, just maims and deforms hair! Not many women would sleep well after that on!

Chester the Molester

I just read something that freaked me out about our society. Did you know there are people who assume most men are child predators? This started with a Dear Prudence advice column I read about a kid’s slumber party. Long story short, apparently one of the attendees Mom’s felt any non-relative male of their child was a possible molester. I had no idea the problem was out there, but the Wall Street Journal article sited in the column has me a bit spooked. I had no idea our society has come to the point where a man fears helping a child in distress because he is afraid someone will think he is a bad guy. One of the examples in this article reminded me a of a Police Blotter profile in my old community newspaper. The incident reported was a man stopped and questioned for walking into a community park around dusk with a male minor child. Guess what? This turned out to be a father and his son out for a walk who decided to go to the park swings before dinner. Wow, good thing you stopped that Mr. Officer, we wouldn’t want extraneous family bonding to occur in an public space.

I realize there are a lot of bad people in this world, both male and female. Chester the Molester could be lurking around the corner. I realize that bad men and women can hide their pervy tendencies. I get that, but to assume all males are molesters or predators, while all women are what…saintly mothers? That is a load of bunk! How many stories have you read about children dieing at the hands of their mothers? Worse yet, how about mothers who knowingly allow a pedophile access to their child? Both genders have saints and sinner…how sad we broke those down so harshly along gender lines. Let’s think about all the school sex scandals out there like Debra Lafave and others that involve women with boys. There is a whole lot of warped shit going on in this world beyond the To Catch a Predator infotainment program. There has to be a better way to address this then to live in fear that every male may be a predator.

A Wrinkle in Time....

I was sad to read that Madeleine L’Engle died this week. I have strong memories of reading A Wrinkle in Time and the other books in that series over and over when I was young. They were short, but riveting and were some of the first sci-fi fantasy books I read. To be honest at about the age of 10, her books were the only non-Baby Sitter Club books that I can remember reading and enjoying. I had a bit of a Baby Sitter Club fixation like I’m sure others in my age bracket (25-30ish) can sympathize with, but I digress... I still own the old paperback copies of L'Engle's books that used to be my siblings; they even sit prominently on my bookcase. Honestly, they have not been read in years. Partially because I’m busy reading other books, but mostly out of fear that they won’t be as wonderful as I remember. When I was little I wanted to be Meg Murry from A Wrinkle in Time because she proved she was smart and strong even when no one else thought her capable of great things. At the age of 10, it’s hard to see when an author is opening your eye to other worlds and great philosophers. Your 10, and if you were like me, you’re busy reading Baby Sitter Club books, not Euripides. Reading the bio of Ms. L’Engle made me realize her books were the first steps I made away from the cheese of BSC and later V.C. Andrews(God, those books were pure 100% cheese) towards real literature and great books and ideas. So, I guess A Wrinkle in Time will be read again, it’s worth the risk of loosing some of my rose colored memories of the book to better honor a great author!

Umm…I work the Government

Down here in The Swamp, it’s a good bet that at least half the people you meet work for the Government. Most of those people, when pressed, have no issue stating where exactly they work. For example: GAO, State, DoD, FBI etc… There is however one specific breed of Government worker that mystifies me: The CIA Employee.

I have yet to meet someone who works for the CIA who will straight up admit to it. Now, if you were a spy a la Valerie Plame then you would of course have a kitten when someone finds out you work for the CIA. That is a major National Security violation, and the CIA puts effort into keeping you secret. If you are an analyst, you do not need to keep this info a secret. Here is the secret, pretty much everyone already knows where you work…you are not secret agents, your analysts.

Obviously, you can’t talk about what projects you work on, who you see, classified materials etc… Come on people; you can at least admit you work for the CIA. Now, whenever anyone is too slow telling me where they work, The Frogger Girl knows they work for the CIA. It is only CIA people who say, “I work for the Government” with no clarification. Don’t you love The Swamp?

Defending Brit-Brit?

This is a weird moment…I feel the need to smack the tabloids and semi-defend Britney Spears. Yes, I know this is weird even to me and it feels slightly dirty…but it must be done.

I saw the strange slow-motion train wreck of a dance routine on CNN, MSNBC and tons of other sites. I laughed…guffawed really …the bad hair weave, the poor dancing, the obvious lip synch issue she was having…oh and my favorite, her Super Sparkle Vicky’s Secret Bra and Panty Set. Nothing says classy like a sparkly bra and panty offset by knee high boots and fishnets.

What is my issue with media coverage? I hate that they are calling her FAT! Was Brit-Brit super skinny hyper toned…no, she wasn’t. But FAT? Really? For a scary, one step-up from trailer trash, pop star who popped out 2 kids in about 2 years, she is impressively svelte. I saw no bulges of cellulite…no massive fat gut…there may have been painted on abs…but she was NOT FAT!

Calling Britney in her current (probably drug addled) state massive, fat, ugly…for fucking stupid ass Jay (no so slim)Leno to call her fat…that is just WRONG! We wonder why there has been a massive upswing in eating disorders in both men and women in this country? In my nightmares my possible future daughters would idolize this living train wreck or worse yet dress like her. Does she deserve scorn? Yes, in many ways she does for her stupid ass choices as a mother, pop-star and now ex-wife to an asshat wannabe rapper. To imply her NORMAL, if somewhat borderline on fitness body, is FAT is fucking up women and girls all over this county who already struggle with how they look. MEDIA: Please focus on what is worth the scorn…it’s not her BMI…it’s her F-ed up life choices!

Why Dating Studies Suck!

Why do I read articles about dating, dating studies and relationship crap? It's like my own personal self-doubt created hell...self-induced psyche trauma...you would think I would learn by now! I need a negative Pavlov response or something to stop the behavior.

I’m single and for the most part happy with that situation, or deluding myself…it could be either. There are the, “Is something wrong with me?” days that creep up every now and again, usually linked to hormones, or some random “I’m Almost 30” moment, but so it goes. Then there are the moments where I’m fine and whilst blissfully clicking news sites and internet links I start reading useless studies on dating that pose as real news that tell me things like, “Men go for looks.” Really? Huh, I would have never guessed that. Thank you German scientists! Better yet, links to the perils of online dating…which I should avoid since I half-ass use an online dating site. My favorite was a study filled with terrible statistic for future generations of women who will be unable to marry due to reduced male birthrates. I can’t find the link on that one, but on my honor (take it for what it’s worth) there is such a study and it was DEPRESSING!

Maybe I’ve watched too much Heavy Petting in the City (My special name for the cleaned up for non-cable Sex in the City episodes that start after 11 on th local channels) or read one too many dating articles, but dating advice/media depictions are totally contradictory. I’m supposed to be happy and okay with being single, but then they throw out trite stupid advice that sucks me into reading it and then I get pissed. And why is it always lists of Top 5 dating signs. Is it because the smaller numbers are easier for the desperate to remember or maybe 10 is to hard for trite advice columnists?

Moral of this post: FroggerGirl like every other human on the planet has issues and she needs to stop reading stupid fluff pieces on the internet about dating…or you poor people will be subjected to her dating rants forever, and none of us want that!

SERIOUSLY no tag backs!

As my office buddy KK would say, "Sen. Craig needs to sit his happy ass down!" I'm probably a little behind the news cycle after the long weekend....but even that can't explain how schizoid the Sen. Craig news has been:

1.) Sen. Craig says, “I’m not gay, I was entrapped!”

2.)Then it was,”I’m going to resign…no wait I’m going to fight it and stay in Congress!”

3.)Followed by, “Congress and the GOP, please stop investigating me for moral turpitude.”

4.)Finally thanks to anonymous aids, “Well he was going to step down anyway, so no big whoop.”

SERIOUSLY! I say yet again for the second time in one day…NO TAG BACKS! Playground rules definitely apply in politic…don’t make me enforce a time out in the corner!

Does anybody really care?

Do you care if Mr. Law and Order Actor Man runs for President? I don't...I refuse to get scared or care before the primaries. The GOP has bigger worries and issues than Fred Thompson. He ducked a debate to hang out with Jay Leno. That right there reduces the modicum of respect I had for him. Dude, you picked Jay Leno…he’s not even FUNNY! At least announce on a show with a funny man, or some level or public respect.

No Tag Backs!

Maybe it's just me...but tag, politics and life works the same. No tag backs, no do-overs and minimal take backs. You do not resign and then say, "Oops, I didn’t mean it...not I think I can squeak this one out!” Seriously? When you say, "I QUIT" and go down in flames, it’s OVER!. Sen. Craig is not Cher (even though he may be a closet wannabe Cher lover), there is no unending career and tour schedule. Come on! Go back to Idaho, sit down, learn how to knit or something… JEEZ!

Not so little cabin in the woods…

Thank to the Princezz and her uber generous boss, FG got to spend Labor Day Weekend in the wilds of West Virginia (WV) with a great group of people in a beautiful gated mountainside vacation area. The cabin was massive and pretty insulated from the neighbor houses/cabins. You almost felt isolated, but not so much…just ask the crazy gate guards. There was the large lodge like atmosphere with a fireplace, plenty of beds for tired heads and most of the comforts of home. Electricity, indoor plumbing (and plenty of it!) and lots of supplies made the 3 day weekend great! We were near the Canaan Valley Park area and it was lovely.

I fear to admit this for the harassment I might get from siblings and the like, but I have a fondness for John Denver. Not so much of a fondness that I own his collected works, but a fondness none the less. I think it’s because my all time favorite Christmas album is still John Denver and the Muppets Christmas and my Mom used to play some of his other works on car rides...I will refrain from quoting The Way We Were here. Why the John Denver connection? As I was driving back home and at various points over the weekend I had the song Take Me Home Country Roads running through me head…or what bits and pieces of that song I remembered would be more accurate.

Primarily the bits about how lovely WV is and the mountains and green loveliness swirled through my thoughts as I admired the scenery and wildlife. Well, there were the less picturesque views of massive mining operations and the huge double smokestacks of the major power plant, and the strange road side Redneck stand…but I digress. For as much ribbing as WV gets, it is a major green, leafy wonderland to enjoy. I love the Great Outdoors, but I have never been Nature Girl. What does that mean? I like light hikes and being surrounded by the woods, but when the 15 mile or more hike was taken on Saturday, FG stayed behind to relax. I did take a much shorter, kinder walk in the gated compound among the trees and such, but massive hike was a no go.

I do hope that through the Princezz and her rockin’ connections there is hope for another return trip. Next time I would love to wander the greater parks and wilds of WV and maybe take a shorter hike in the mountains and such. I now realize why folks in the DC are vacation up in WV. Overall this was one of the best long weekend excursions I have taken in a long time. Totally worth the drive and the loss of squirrel life on the way home. Little Squirrel RIP, you are the only downer moment of my trip.